Cause one of his alien buddies planted something in my throat last night.


Woke up this morning around 0100 and had some weird thing sitting on the back of my tongue. Thought that I had ripped something in the back of my throat from snoring (of which I’m quite loud when I’m sick or really, really tired; but I digress and yes I know what sleep apnea is, so just shuddup and keep reading!). After some thinking (preceded with gagging, choking, and general hysteria) I figured out it was my uvula (the dangling thing in the back of my throat) but it must have swolled up to the Super-Size variety. After the usual panic things go through my mind (allergy, spider bite, bee sting (of which I’m allergic), alien probe, bad prank), I figure out how to at least control it so I don’t choke every time I say something.
Now before you think “Oh big frigging deal”, just think of it this way. You know when you go to the doctors office and he shoves that tongue depresser half way down your throat to make sure everything is still attached? Well, just imagine doing that for a few hours. Of course, me and my dirty mind kept thinking about the time a certain spouse gags while…umm…waxing the flagpole…and I feel a twinge of guilt now. Mind you, only a twinge. There, it’s gone now. Resume normal flagpole waxing. 🙂
OK, call the ER nurse at 0400 to see if there’s anything I should do. Nope, take 4 tablets of Ibuprofen and drink tons of liquids. Have a nice day, now leave me alone for the really sick people.
After another three hours of gagging, choking, and more general hysteria, I got in the shower and headed off to the doctors off (after typing out my general symptoms, what I’ve done, meds I took, etc). An hour later after having strep, mono, epiglottitis, and three other things that I can’t pronounce at this moment ruled out; the doctor says “Yup, what you have is a swollen Uvula”.
So for the next few days I’ve got this lovely anitbiotic (which she let me choose from a wide variety) and some anti-inflammatories which I have to take on a weird schedule. Oh, and as I’m leaving make sure that you are close to an ER in case this get worse and your airway closes off.
BTW, did I mention that today was the day we were supposed to go to Tyler’s court update. And if we would have went forward with our plans, it would have been his adoption day. Well, at least the kids can jump rope with my Uvula today.
All of that blown. Thanks to Mr. Bell’s alien buddies. Thanks Art!

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